the night the monster knocked on the door

I turned on our block and saw police cars in front of my house. Christine my neighbor ran to me with an ashen look. “what?” I said, “Mike two men broke in..”I said, we have insurance, I “ll go inside and see how much damage they did.” ” Mike it’s more, Angelina was home alone. She did the best she could but…….” my heart stopped, my throat suddenly  was closing shut. “is she okay? I asked.. “No, she is alive but was attacked. Do you mean sexually? “yes she is in the hospital now. I was in a daze as I wondered inside the house and gave a statement. I could feel the eyes of the cops watching my every reaction as I answered the questions. Finally I explode and ask “You have asked where I was, what I was doing, my friends were doing; I was getting long fine with my lady and my friends don”t rape.” Standard questions I was told. On the way to the hospital I was ashamed to be a man. To violate a someone like that! I want them dead. Suddenly I saw the point in how could you tell a woman what to to with her body. I even felt violated. My love and I had a special bond and an animal just grabbed her. I reach her room and I don”t want to open the door;: she is on the bed with bruises and a black eye, her eyes meet mine and she starts to cry. I walk over to the bed say nothing other than “I love you” I hold her as tightly as I can and we say nothing for at least 15 minuets. Finally she says”we have to move, I wont go back in that house!” Whatever you want kid, I said, I am sorry, so sorry I should never have never have left you alone. Then she said, “it”s not my fault I was raped. They are not taking my freedom as well. ” I said I will find them and destroy them. “Please don”t play tough guy with me, just be here for me, hold me, and we will get through this.They never have got the monsters yet, They will in time. I am more in love with my lady then ever. She taught me all about strength.



I should leave

 in early 2001, my wife left me saying she would always love me but was no longer “in love with me”. I was crushed.I knew it was coming she was tired of my drinking, P.TS.D. and wanted a new life. When she got out in the world, she needed money from me;she hated that. Finally she said “I am willing to come back but only to clean make your dinner things like that. ” She became very religious and moved into one part of the house and I in the other. We talk sometimes, but I make my own meals now, we have not hugged in 10 years. I pay all her bills while she spreads the word of God door to door. I have a girlfriend who knows about her and says to me “are you going to care for all her life?” She is not sick!” she simply wants to live with her bible and God and have you pay her bills!”The only answer I have is that I have know my wife since she was 17 and now she is 62. I know I have to leave her and move on. I really care for her but love my girlfriend more, I think I must summon the courage to say;:I was a lousy husband: you should have stayed away in 2001. I would have paid alimony. You came back, I have taken care of you but it”s 2013 now. The hours left on this earth grow fewer by the day. I want to hold a woman again,kiss her, I am tired of living alone in a room looking at a grey dirty ceiling. I need to do this:why is it so hard?


5 times perfect

My mother was a teacher. School was never easy for me. I was a medic in the service and had to be trained. Everything I needed to learn, I used a trick my mother taught me. I had to memorize a fact and be able to repeat it 5 times without making a mistake. I would always get to the 5th time and  mess up and have to start over! It was hard and I would yell sometimes but it got me through college with good grades. Now to learn anything, I read and study but I have to do it myself. Fixing my computer is a great example. I read, studied, memorized 5 times in a row but it only worked when I tried and failed, tried again, again, until I got something right!  What a great feeling to read, study, and finally do it yourself; fail, fail again until you get it right. My mom was beautiful. I loved her. She was a great teacher and without her teaching me how to learn and do things, I don”t want to think how I could have learned a thing.

the last time I drank

Any guys out there 45 or so who have been drinking since they were teens? If that”s you then you might relate to having a screwdriver for breakfast,beer for lunch and wine and then more wine for dinner, I would wake up in my driveway hanging out of my car having no idea where I had been the the night before or how I drove home. I woke up wondering “did I hit anyone? kill anyone?” I kept wine makers in business with the the amount of wine I consumed. I would urinate on the floor by my side of the bed many times. This will shock no one: My wife said one day,”I will always love you, but I am not in love with you anymore. I can”t stay and watch you kill yourself or worse yet, kill someone else.” I promised to quit but she had enough and left me after 30 years of marriage. My friends said how great I must feel, I could keep drinking! The second the door shut,I never took another drink. I was so ashamed of the damage I caused to my marriage,health, and the fact I could have killed someone or myself. I am asked all the the time how do you stop drinking without help? Candy, I reply, lots of candy. The first week was hard without a drink but candy works. Did I gain weight? How about 100lbs! Have I lost the pounds? why yes, thanks, I have. I bet I can run 12 miles faster then you can. Don”t drink and drive! Then you would feel ashamed like me.






























































the world of dial telephones

I am a 63 year old man. Stop with the old jokes. I bet you can”t run 12 miles a day as fast as I can. You don”t care do you? I am old enough to remember when a telephone had no push buttons. You had to dial one number at a time, we had partylines,(they were cheaper) you had to wait for your neighbor to get off the phone.  You could pay a dime and use a public phone. the only feature on a phone available was that it worked. When car phones came out, they were huge. Over the years, the phone died. We have in it”s place a computer. I tried to cancel my “land Line” but my cable company would charge me more for the other products I buy from them. I still don”t see how the logic works in their thinking. Now when I get a call, I can see who is calling. I have the power. I can put salesmen on the do not call list, I can watch a movie, listen to music, find my way, take pictures my son says I have no idea all the things my smart phone really does. I know I am stupid. I remember When you picked up a phone, you wanted to call someone. I remember when you would see movies on big screens. Maps showed me how to get somewhere. Television sets were not the size of actual movie screens. Thinking has been taken away; now all we have to do is push or tap a screen. You kids are missing  something. Guess what it is?