when I was 16

I was 16 once. I must have been,I have tried to block out the drunken stepfather,the mother that was never there. I watched as my stepbrother walked into my older sisters bedroom and closed the door.y Mom worked and worked. School was an escape but I did not quite fit into any group. I was left alone to my dreams. I would be an actor,writer, live in a world where dads and moms loved their kids, yelling never happened. One year later I graduate from high school; and start my journey. I join the army. I saw a picture of a medic helping a soldier, that seemed “cool”. Nearly a year later,I am in VietNam. My small town,the yelling,family seemed far way. I was a man Okay I was one scared little boy in a mans body. I learned quickly how to make right or wrong decisions; decisions which would stay with you for the rest of your life. I grew up after seeing some one die in my care. My first body bag made me throw up. the others took away my feelings and made me feel numb and angry. I started to drink in VietNam, I stopped when was 48. I was stripped of my my plans in war and images branded my thoughts instead. I was a happy drunk, I somehow graduate from college, marry my sweetheart and got a great medical sales job. I had the house,car and tried to create the life I saw on television about families. I would never yell at my sons. I would work, the wife would raise them: right? wrong! Being a “happy” dad  help my sons drug addicts, my wife, my ex-wife. And now , I have come full circle; I can write,act, and cry.I guess I needed to learn about good and evil. To learn what “oceans of blood” means. I wish I could say my life turned out great: THAT WOULD BE A LIE! I can say I am wiser, I run 12 miles a day at dawn, and I have seen a sunrise that is so beautiful your mouth would drop. Maybe Knowing the only thing promised to you is your next breath, means I at least learned a few things!

So Come, and Slowly

We Will Will Walk

Through Green And

Marvel

At this Strange

And Sweet World.-Sylvia Plath

 

 

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