What was his name?

I remember seeing a front page picture of a medic helping a wounded soldier in war; that seemed so powerful to a 17 year old like me. Soon I was learning to be a medic, ,how to treat for shock, etc. My first plane trip! going across the world!  It seemed like a movie! I was in it, I was so grown up! the first few days I was in a trance with this fast pace, dirty, weird people who looked at you non smiling at you with black teeth. My first death under me drove me to tears. The doctor over me looked up” you have saved many,some will die, deal with it,” at least medics never killed people , I thought. One morning our helicopter lands; wounded loaded, all of a sudden; crazy viet cong rushing towards us; “shoot him! pilots pistol shoved in my hand; “stop I am thinking, don”t make me! “hurry up!” Crossing the Rubicon is a saying which means no return; Crazy man crossed the Rubicon; time stopped; blood spatters; he sits down dead : I turn around: time starts: I had grown up. I would never be the same, I killed, I never knew his name.
The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.

-Native American saying



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