to my granddaughter

You need to know Kali, when I found out your 16 year old mom was pregnant with my wild 15 year old son”s baby: I urged your mom to get an abortion. I am so ashamed of myself for telling her that. Your mom obviously had other plans, you were born, my son gave no financial help but I sure did.You looked just like a movie star! Oh! how much fun it was to take you places, your blue eyes were filled with wonder and joy as the circus came to town, the zoo was magic . Your father was not in your life, demons even when you were young had taken my son and your Dad and robbed him of joy, As you aged, I preached; please, never do drugs! don”t smoke! study.  You can be whatever you want to be. Time has a way of flying by; you and your mom moved to another state. You used to e-mail me all the time, I saved them all, wow: your a teenager now:I saw you for the first time in nearly two years. Life had not gone well for your mom, I am so sorry,she worked hard to support you with almost no help. I was talking with your mom, and you walk into the room. I looked at you;you looked at me; I try to smile, you sort of “grunt” an hello”You seemed stoned. I lost my sons, now I have lostyou as well. Is it in our DNA? I wish you would read this if only to remember one promise out of a hundred you made me ,to walk on another path than your dad. I beg you honey; I know it will be hard! get help! I love you Grandpa.

 

Your inner voice is always right

My Mother was smart. She owned companies,men worked for her, she would laugh at women”s

liberation. “Michael,she would say, Listen to your inner voice; follow it”; you may not want to sometimes,bit it”s always right,” I passed that advice to my sons. I preached it, day and night. I was a failure at following her advice and my oldest son let chemicals think his music and poems were real enough to become his reality. Delusion got in the way of listening to my inner voice.My not following my mothers advice; led to a life filled with delusion. I had to learn to listen to my soul, I told my sons, stop doing the things I did! Your young! Your inner voice is your soul; son; follow it; be real with yourself! It was to late. “Be true to your self” was advice I was given; gave;never followed;I paid a heavy price for my failure; be sure, I am true now.

 

November has been great!

Its an education for a hack like me to read other writers featured. I have no ego. I learn. I see in the message from other writers, how they got to the point, many with far fewer words than I would have. My style may not be the same;still;clutter jumps out when you see how a good author writes.Stories and goals and a niche are great things to have for a writer wannabe  but they are simply not enough. I admire each of the writers who wrote the stories that were featured! you have a gift! In my younger days, I was a salesman, a good one, I never worked at it, it was just me. Writing is what I have always wanted to do. Work on a daily basis is the only thing I can think of that may some day help me write a sentence a person might want to read.

I congratulate you all!

WE WERE SECONDS FROM LIFTING OFF THE GROUND

Even for that part of that part of the world; it was hot! I was young, a medic, scared, right in in the middle of a battle the natives called “the black Virgin Mountain”. Wow,things were loud, fast and crazy. All I could here was:”doc.doc,overhere,overhere, I am on a helicopter. The jungle is lush. Men are being loaded on; I am busy trying to stop the bleeding on one of our guys, screams are making me deaf. Some one yells “look behind you!”” I turn around and and here comes this crazy laughing young guy right towards us. He was  a “bad” guy:”shoot him”. I felt like I swallowed my heart, I peed my pants, my guys needed my help,I was a medic with no gun, and am being yelled at. I promised myself I would never kill anyone.Suddenly my pilots pistol is in hand, I keep hoping this crazy man will just turn around, it seemed like hours while he ran; it was but a few seconds, he had crossed over the point of no return, I fire; blood splatters;he just sits sits down dead; time seemed to stop; I turned around and time seemed to start again. I knew, If I let myself die, the pilot would kill this kid anyway, and these kids might have died in the helicopter.  I promise you are never the same after you take a life, you just can”t be.

Are you Kidding?

I I once wrote at a place called:www.YMIdoingthis/author/johnfitz1. I was published 47 times. I give you that number not trying to impress you at all, simply that I wrote about things I knew about in my life. First,I called myself”Pregnant Man”, I weighed 323 lbs. I write how a weak man like me lost well over 100lbs, never went on a diet,went to a hospital, but through asking questions,reading, reading again, meeting some smart people, I found out about life style changes, why I ate like I did etc. I am willing to share what I have learned! I also have P.T.S.D.; I have been down some very dark holes in life, I can give someone a hand and pull them out. Bi-Polar means I have stopped my car on the freeway;gone to the car behind me,and was ready to kill the lady until I saw her baby in the back seat. Yes I am ashamed of myself for getting out of the car. Smart people have helped, I now can write about this disease from the point of view of a person who has it. Now I have Parkinson”s disease. Once again, I laughed till my side hurt; this problem might make you a bit “cranky” telling a bi-polar guy that this new problem he has might make him MORE angry? That”s like pouring gas on a fire. I have read books and bothered every smart person I can find about Parkinson”s. If you have it; Don”t be alone. I can”t cure you, but maybe I can find out an answer, maybe I can find a person for you to talk to; or maybe I can say I care! I really do, My sons have issues, I could go on and on. But pity the child who will die in 20 seconds because of dirty water. Pity the children in all wars. Cry for women who are abused in this country, children with out a home. Pity people in poverty; pity people who lost their soul.I walk 12 miles a day, and will as long as I can’. Call me the “Answer Man” And that”s what I will do for you! Laugh with me! give your pity to someone who needs it

Embrace the faith that every challenge

surmounted by your energy: every problem

solved by your wisdom; every soul stirred by

your passion; and every every barrier brought

down by your determination will ennoble your

your own life, inspire others serve your country,

and explode outward the boundaries of what is

achievable on this earth.

-Madeleine Albright

 

when does a wife become your mom?

I write all the time, Today”s pick hit “close to home”. It was to take a sentence from page 82 and tell a story. How about from a book written in 1991? “Men are from Mars and Women from Venis”? It talks about tapes the husband needs to read about sex. It was great the wife was trying to help but guys don”t  need other guys telling them anything in that department! my marriage is dead. It ended when,years ago, in an certain moment, I was asked if I  could take take out the garbage when I was done. It was over when plastic covered most of our chairs, religion ruled more than time alone. We stopped hearing each other, holding, kissing, hugging,and in the end; 41 years had gone by like a day. I had my own room.I paid all the bills,she washed the dishes, said hello, had her friends, my friends said divorce her!No I will take care of her as a friend, but I have moved on. My wife left me. The lady in in the other room is her broken spirit which I can never fix.

 

mikefitzjohn

I fought in a stupid war,(is their any other kind?) I saw things so ugly, they made such an impression so many years ago, its as if they happened last night. I used those events as an reason to drink more than 10 men, ruin my marriage, allow my two sons to drift into drugs and left me sitting one day with a cup of wine in one hand and pills in the other; I swallow all at once; out they all come; I laugh and think, “I am so stupid I can not even kill myself!” This book will take you on my journey from the bottom of a deep dark hole to beauty of the sun. If a weak man like me can do this, so can you, No matter what life has thrown your way; you will learn to turn and face it head on, heal, and…

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Who am I?

When I was young, I loved movies. Larger than life, far places, in the world, adventure. All the emotions were placed in front of me; I had no structure in my childhood only  misery. Movies were my escape. When I was old enough, I was told,”you want college? You pay for it!” I said okay by me! I was willing to join the army, go to war; anything to get away from my family!I had a chip on my shoulder as big as a boulder. Going to a poor country at war changed my life forever. Seeing evil made me understand what real problems are;to forgive the past and move on. Somebody named Maslow wrote this theory in the form of a pyramid which says you start at the bottom getting your basic needs met until you get to the top where you can become “you” I am not rich, but I am at a point in which I see the value of a rich life is not in the size of your house, or the “things” you own, but did you help save a life today? build a well? helping others is what what we should do. A rich and full life is to make our earth better then we found it, seek out the poor among us and feed and  and care for them. Don”t be selfish! care about the people who died in the Gaza strip recently, (how many even can show me where it even is?) A rich and full life is to have a soul; act on it; get involved in a cause you believe in; soon this writer will send information about a pump that will replace 50,000 bad pumps in Africa, It was designed in such a way a 7 year could use it. It”s felt thousands will live because of this pump; I get to tell you about it. As soon as its its legal; I will ask you to help fund it; but not yet; my point is just be asked to write the request; is to me a rich life.

our greatest pleasure is

that which rebounds from hearts

that we”ve made glad.

-Henry Ward Beecher

 

Michael says its time to move on

The Doctor usually smiled when I walked in his office. “We got the results of your brain scan back; its Parkinson disease. ” I asked “hey just because I have tremors, my hand jerks;”mike stop: the doc says, your left side of your brain tells me what I need to know. When news hits me like that; Its as if I am in a another world; I see the doctor, the words coming out of his mouth, but I don”t hear them. I am in another world. My body is giving me a future of  not knowing my phone number; buildings, you get angry, you jerk. Is this Life from now on? I have to leave blogging I think, “dragon” is know by all with a computer but it wont deal with putting  my brain back together. Don”t feel one bit sorry for me: feel for the child in Africa who will die in 20 secondsbecause of dirty water. Cry for children in wars everywhere, cry for the hungry; cold; think not so much about your self, but about your fellow man anywhere on this earth. Take better care of this earth; and its people; I am a spec of dust.

We are not living in eternity.

We have only this moment sparkling

like a star in our hand,

and melting like a snowflake.

-Marie Beyon Ray

 

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