September 11 2001 is a date all of us will never forget. I had a girl friend who was a flight attendant who had a fellow worker die on one of the planes. My friend quit her job. She had dreams that she was on one of those planes headed to one of those buildings on a beautiful day knowing she had seconds left on this earth. Less then a week later, a comic made a joke about meeting a friend a friend at Kennedy airport in New York but the plane was late due to an unexpected stop. He was talking about the crash. No one laughed. He was a major comic, after that, he makes commercials. Some things or events are off limits. In Vietnam we would make jokes about terrible things such as death,God,. Fat dead guys. Once a head fell out of a body bag. The fellows made me go chase it as it rolled away from me. It had to to be raining. The guys were laughing so hard I thought they would wet themselves. When a new guy got sick seeing what was happening; that made it even funnier. No that was not funny. When you deal with Death all the time…….well you sort of change. Anything can be funny if you are not trying to mock a person. I mean in any way. I have made jokes about a person having red hair. I had no idea it bothered her until she told me. I have a thick skin. I am almost bald. Nothing is off limits when my friends talk about me. They also know I can"t fix anything and am a slob. It"s amazing I have friends now that I think about it! So go make some one laugh! do it in good taste!.
I am a True Blue guy all the way, I am more Liberal than Most liberal"s I know. I would love to see a single pay system for insurance. Everyone would receive free higher education or training. Drugs would be legal. If you did a crime while high, prison would be your new home for a long time, Abortion would never be talked about because that really is a private matter between a woman and her Doctor. I could go on about me but the question is honest discussion and political correctness.difficult? I have found if I don"t know the person and he or she says some "right wing crap", I use humor. I might say, "I don"t think I am getting invited to dinner again, I just see that issue in a slightly different way." I"m nice even when my insides want to say:YOU ARE THE MOST STUPID PERSON I HAVE EVER MET! How cruel? Many times I have said "lets agree to disagree." I don"t think you can HAVE an honest discussion with anyone unless you know them. I am never mean or cruel to a person even when I am passionate about my belief. Courtesy is more important to me than being thought of as a bright guy, Don"t try to impress people with great conversations: be you.
I was in a war a million years ago. I lost all emotions except feeling angry and numb. chemicals make you sleepy,alcohol makes you drunk, books makes you bored. Running was started by me to loose weight, I was a fat slob. I wrote many blogs under the name,"Pregnant Man". I lost well over 100 lbs by changing my life style. I started running for longer periods of time. My brain was flooded with chemicals called endorphins. I started feeling almost giddy after 2 hoursof running. I run down a long dead end street at dawn, I turned the corner and the sun was coming up,baby deer were eating on the side of the road. birds of all kinds were singing. I wanted to climb into nature,it was a picture . I burst into tears . Nature drew something from me I thought long dead. I was in a zone. I could see my body but I was somewhere else. My running friends laughed and said "nothing better than a runners high. " I take few pills these days. I run and listen to music. Nature has beautiful songs if you be still and listen. Run long and fast and think only about your breathing and Nature. Don"t be shocked if tears flow down your cheek.
What Did I do?I It”s another day,I know just what my son will say. I don”t listen while he talks, the rain has made the leaves on the trees glisten. Is he done talking yet? crap! I lost the bet. He only wants twenty bucks;this sucks. He begs on the street! He will take money, anything from strangers he meets. What did I do? The person selling him “pot’ was named who? I gave him everything! Teachers tried to take him under their wing, Other fathers forced work out of their sons. Now a friend brags about how many companies his son runs. I never had a Dad. My childhood was spent feeling sad. Maybe I won a popularity contest as a dad. But I guess you could say I was bad.You see I never knew how to be a Dad, at this date:it”s too late.
I turned on our block and saw police cars in front of my house. Christine my neighbor ran to me with an ashen look. “what?” I said, “Mike two men broke in..”I said, we have insurance, I “ll go inside and see how much damage they did.” ” Mike it’s more, Angelina was home alone. She did the best she could but…….” my heart stopped, my throat suddenly was closing shut. “is she okay? I asked.. “No, she is alive but was attacked. Do you mean sexually? “yes she is in the hospital now. I was in a daze as I wondered inside the house and gave a statement. I could feel the eyes of the cops watching my every reaction as I answered the questions. Finally I explode and ask “You have asked where I was, what I was doing, my friends were doing; I was getting long fine with my lady and my friends don”t rape.” Standard questions I was told. On the way to the hospital I was ashamed to be a man. To violate a someone like that! I want them dead. Suddenly I saw the point in how could you tell a woman what to to with her body. I even felt violated. My love and I had a special bond and an animal just grabbed her. I reach her room and I don”t want to open the door;: she is on the bed with bruises and a black eye, her eyes meet mine and she starts to cry. I walk over to the bed say nothing other than “I love you” I hold her as tightly as I can and we say nothing for at least 15 minuets. Finally she says”we have to move, I wont go back in that house!” Whatever you want kid, I said, I am sorry, so sorry I should never have never have left you alone. Then she said, “it”s not my fault I was raped. They are not taking my freedom as well. ” I said I will find them and destroy them. “Please don”t play tough guy with me, just be here for me, hold me, and we will get through this.They never have got the monsters yet, They will in time. I am more in love with my lady then ever. She taught me all about strength.
in early 2001, my wife left me saying she would always love me but was no longer “in love with me”. I was crushed.I knew it was coming she was tired of my drinking, P.TS.D. and wanted a new life. When she got out in the world, she needed money from me;she hated that. Finally she said “I am willing to come back but only to clean make your dinner things like that. ” She became very religious and moved into one part of the house and I in the other. We talk sometimes, but I make my own meals now, we have not hugged in 10 years. I pay all her bills while she spreads the word of God door to door. I have a girlfriend who knows about her and says to me “are you going to care for all her life?” She is not sick!” she simply wants to live with her bible and God and have you pay her bills!”The only answer I have is that I have know my wife since she was 17 and now she is 62. I know I have to leave her and move on. I really care for her but love my girlfriend more, I think I must summon the courage to say;:I was a lousy husband: you should have stayed away in 2001. I would have paid alimony. You came back, I have taken care of you but it”s 2013 now. The hours left on this earth grow fewer by the day. I want to hold a woman again,kiss her, I am tired of living alone in a room looking at a grey dirty ceiling. I need to do this:why is it so hard?
My mother was a teacher. School was never easy for me. I was a medic in the service and had to be trained. Everything I needed to learn, I used a trick my mother taught me. I had to memorize a fact and be able to repeat it 5 times without making a mistake. I would always get to the 5th time and mess up and have to start over! It was hard and I would yell sometimes but it got me through college with good grades. Now to learn anything, I read and study but I have to do it myself. Fixing my computer is a great example. I read, studied, memorized 5 times in a row but it only worked when I tried and failed, tried again, again, until I got something right! What a great feeling to read, study, and finally do it yourself; fail, fail again until you get it right. My mom was beautiful. I loved her. She was a great teacher and without her teaching me how to learn and do things, I don”t want to think how I could have learned a thing.